Before I Knew

This time last year, I was 12 weeks pregnant. I dreamed about this mothers day when I would, in fact, be a mother. I was excited, but I was nervous: nervous I would be bored or not have much to do or that it wouldn't be as meaningful as teaching school. Those are horrible thoughts, I know, but they were real. Now that I am a mother, I realized that I had those thoughts before I really knew what being a mother was about.

It was before I knew:

the sparkle in Ryan's eyes when he smiles,

what it feels like to hold MY sleeping baby in my arms

the feel of his little hand in mine,

the sound of his laughter,

how happy he would be when I got him out of his crib each morning,

how cute it is when he reaches for me,

the desire I would feel to protect him and to keep him happy,

the joy that comes with each and every new milestone he reaches,

the huge responsibility it is to help him become a righteous, kind and good person,

and the deep and indescribable love that I feel for him.

Now that I know, being a mother is the only thing that I would want to be doing at this moment! I am so grateful and lucky to be Ryan's mommy and to see him grow each and every day!